I'm back

So, it's been a year of semi plant based + fish diet. I've had a couple of episodes where I have fallen off the wagon. And these were thoroughly enjoyed and I probably ate near to a whole cow in a week. It was delicious. But, I really did feel it afterwards, the guilt, the fatigue and loss of feelings in my hands has dragged me back on track. I've been doing Mindful Chef who delivery vegan and fish meals to you once a week for you to cook, really helps when life is chaotic and everyone is back to school/nursery and we have to juggle all the after school activities.

I feel really energised, I'm ready for it now. Last year I think it was all so new and experimenting and trying new things. Now I have a larder which looks like a posh deli/sweet shop and all the weird ingredients you could possibly think of. I want to make this work, I want to feel good and I want to be in control.

Thank you Cancer…

Always look on the bright side of life. There is always a silver lining, sometimes you have to dig deeper to find it than others. 

When my mum was told that SHE HAD CANCER...she felt like she had been hit by a double decker bus. The colour of her face drained out of her, she looked sickened, scared. Her life had literally just been sucked out of her.

But, she hadn't been hit by a bus. She hadn't been ripped away from us without the chance of saying goodbye. We were given a chance, a chance to to have one last laugh, a last cry, hug, heart to heart. We were given a chance to video more memories, to talk about the past and the future, to ask all those questions we ever wondered or questions we thought we may need to ask in the future. 

She was given a chance, a chance to prepare as best as she could, to see all her friends, to remember pastimes and to thank those who've helped her, to appreciate what most people really do take for granted. To walk in the countryside and breath in fresh air, to watch flowers bursting into life and witness the young of wildlife kick around. To sit on the shore and hear the waves crash down, the seagulls call and the wind howl. 

We went on our last holiday together absorbing every scent, sound, touch and image. Priceless moments and memories that you want to concentrate on every minute detail knowing that one day too soon this is all you will have of her. 

This doesn't mean it is any less painful, it doesn't mean it won't be a struggle. Watching the ones you love most forcing their body to fight for an extra week, month, year with you, watching their body fail them, watching the sorrow and disappointment and sadness deep in their eyes. It hurts and it hurts badly. 

But if you were given a choice of this....or to have actually lost them to that double decker bus the day they were told they had cancer then I believe that maybe we should consider ourselves one of the 'lucky' ones. I HATE cancer for taking away my mum, my beautiful, clever, kind, innocent, carefree best friend who ALWAYS lived life to its fullest and smiled every hour of every day. Who was thoughtful and fun and generous and loving and playful and sensitive. 

But, I thank you CANCER for giving me the chance to say goodbye

Happy New Year

So it has been an incredible few months. Hard, but incredible.

Food is now my life...I have to research, plan, prepare and be ridiculously organised with every minor detail. I have also had to raid every odd and bizarre wholesaler to buy quirky ingredients in bulk. I now have a kitchen full of airtight containers full of nutritional yeast, pearl barley, cous cous and dry roasted peanuts! I have also discovered a type of haribo (sour rainbow stripes) which meets the constraints of my diet, so I bought a couple of 3kg bags...obviously!

I have to say when I come home from work my heart sinks when I know there is little available to eat, but then I look at my AMAZING family organiser which has a column 'food' and I get my bottom into gear. Within minutes I am loving it and every meal I have prepared and cooked from mostly raw ingredients and comes out looking, smelling and tasting incredible makes me feel hugely proud. The best thing...my energy is back.

Before this diet quite often I was working on around 30% of my usual energy levels, and it was hard! Now i am nearly back up to 70% and feel so alive and full of options, and as my beautiful mother used to say 'the World is my oyster'.  Most evenings end with a glass of wine accompanied with my small pot of treats (a combination of dry roasted nuts and sour stripes which oddly really compliment each other). 

Sweet potato brownie...husband loved these...I didn't.

Marinated salmon with lemongrass, chilli, coriander and lime. SUPER delicious and I always make extra to have some cold the next day in a salad. FIVE STARS! With home-made chips!

Posted 3rd January 2016

My emotional goodbye to my love….cheese

I blame my sister. Read this book she said, it will really help you with your MS. Oh, ok. Once you have read something you can't go back and unread it and I naively had no idea what a HUGE change this one book would make to my life.

'Overcoming Multiple Sclerosis' by George Jelinek

I have had MS for nearly five years now and was still in reasonable health and avoiding medication like the plague. I'm not a huge fan of injections and the idea of having to inject myself regularly did not bode well. I have been trying Oxygen Therapy and to be honest it had left me feeling fabulous, but that could be down to the fact that I had a WHOLE HOUR to myself actually READING which, with three children aged five and under, was pretty rare. So I am sat in my chamber on my dive with an oxygen mask on my face and the thing is, the book made sense, it all made sense, I just don't think I had mentally prepared myself for suddenly realising that all my favourite foods (cheese, steak, sausages, butter, cream) were changed from my "five a day" foods to "you must never eat these foods again if you don't want your MS to get worse" foods.

This is huge. But OK.

I have three young children, a husband, family and friends. If this was my answer to staying healthy and living life like a normal person then that is what I choose. After all, you eat food to aid your body to function. It makes sense that you give your body the correct foods to allow it to do this properly.

And it is quite exciting. A whole new life, a whole new diet.

Finding new recipes and discovering new foods. I am three weeks in and so far I feel incredible. Doors that I thought had nearly closed for me have suddenly flown open.

I feel invincible and alive again. But I really miss cheese.